Mathematics For Our Everyday Lives

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need..

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

How To Spot A Bad Day

If you woke up one morning, stepped outside and saw this:



It would be a good idea to step back inside and call it quits for the day... That day would definitely not be a good day.

The Criminal Catcher 2000

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves: they took it out to different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves; UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves; Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves; Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves; Jamaica, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

Affair with an older woman

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night, she looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit (well more than a bit), we had a snuggle, and she asked me if I ever had a "sportsman double"?
"Whats that?" I asked.
"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
"Oh," I said as my mind began to embrace the idea. "No, I haven't."

And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night'. I went back to her place and walked in hoping for the best night f my life. She puts on the hall light and shouted upstairs, "Mom, you still awake?"

Flat Belly

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.
"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

The Priest and Likle(little) Johnny

Likle Johnny got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book and noticed he had his collar on backwards. Little Johnny asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
Likle Johnny replied, " My daddy a fada(father) and him don't wear his colla(collar) like dat."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."
Likle Johnny then said, "My daddy have 4 boys, 4 girls and 2 granpickney and him no wear him colla like dat."

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of Hundreds," and went back quietly to his book.
Likle Johnny sat quiely thinking for awhile, then leaned over and said, "Maybe if you did wear a condom and put you pants on backwards you wouldnt have so much pickney(children)

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