The Polite Way to Pee lol

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners
asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."  "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Edward replied "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner." The teacher fainted..

A Jamaican's First Snowflakes

Diary of a Jamaican who moved to Canada for a better Life.

November 14th
Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snowflakes we have ever seen. The wife took buttered buns and we sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down; clinging to the trees and covering the ground could never do anything like this in Jamaica. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

November 15th
we woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. But the driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shoveled again Canadians are so friendly! Unlike those people who work the corporate area.

November 16th
It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around four degrees, the cold weather is not so bad, we can take this, not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

November 17th
warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Slipped on my bottom in the driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.

November 18th
Still cold. Sold my wife's BMW and bought a 4x4 in order to get to work. Slipped on the guardrail and did considerable damage to the right fender. Had another 15 centimeters of white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That damn snowplow came by twice yesterday.

November 19th
2 degrees outside! More rahtid snow. Not a tree or shrub in our yard that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night. "Blouse and skirt" got mi first heating bill. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and kerosene heater, tipped one over and nearly burn the rahtid house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car slid on the white shit on the way to the hospital and was a write-off.

November 20th
Flipping white ting keeps coming down! I have to put on all the clothes I own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the bitch that drives that damn snowplow, I gonna make him mother feel it. I think he hides around the corner and wait for me to finish shoveling, then comes down the street at about 160 km/hr and cover up my driveway again. Flipping power still off. The toilet froze and parts of the roof have started to cave in.

November 21st
Twelve more centimeters of damn snow and damn ice and God knows what other kind of rahtid white shit fell last night. I wounded that damn snowplow with the pick, but the driver got away. The wife took off and left me. The frigging car won't start and I think I'm going bat shit snow-blind. I can't move my toes, haven't seen the frigging sun in weeks and there's more rahtid snow predicted. Wind chill is 30 damn degrees below flipping zero!!

November 22nd
Moving back to JA cause this cold is trying to kill me!!

The Monks and the Inquisitive: Sometimes its just not worth it to know it all LOL

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, :We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man then says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?" The monks replied, "You must travel the earth and tell us, how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, only then will you become a monk." The man sets about his task.Some 45 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth." The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk." We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door. The man is relieved to know end. He unlocks the door,turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound . . . . . 😐😶But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk

The Mighty Tigon

So what is a Tigon? Not to be confused with the Liger (discussed in earlier posts), the Tigon is a hybrid cross between, as you probably have guessed, a tiger and a lion. However, the sex of the parents from the two species is what makes a cub a Tigon or a Liger. The tigon is therefore, the result of only when a male tiger mates with a female lion.

This beautiful beast possesses genetic make up from both parents, making it's visible characteristics quite random. They may have spots from the  mother lion ("lions carry genes for spots-lion cubs are spotted and some adults retain faint markings) and stripes from the father. Male tigon may possess a mane but is quite shorter than a regular lion's. Although quite remarkable on it's own merit, they are not as popular as the other hybrid, the liger. This is due to the fact that the tigons do not grow to the majestic larger size as the ligers can.

A nice interesting fact about these tigons are that they can produce both lion and tiger sounds when they roar. A sad fact though is that their lifespan, as with most hybrid animals, are shorter than that of  a normal species. They tend to be prone to illnesses which can make life difficult for them.

One thing for sure though, I would love the chance to see one in person one day. Here is Maude, she is displayed in  The Manchester Museum  located in the United Kingdom. Beautiful isn't she.

Snoop Dogg Goes Discovery LOL

We all know what Snoop Dogg is known for weed, ahmm I mean rapping. But I gotta say Snoop this ain't a bad fall back career choice for you. Watch and enjoy.

Strange But True: Suicidal Deer Signs Now On Highway In Illinois

Suicidal huh, well that's one way of getting passing drivers to read a sign. And no, the deer in rural Ford County, Illinois place aren't depressed about the stock market and committing suicide. The sign above are one of four that the Ford County have bought to put up on highways to warn drivers of crossing deer.

It seems, the plain old deer crossing signs we are all used to were not cutting it in this county. As last year there were more than 30 vehicle-deer collisions in the county causing concern (Ford County, Illinois has a population of 13,832). Al Cambronne who is the author of Deerland: America's Hunt for Ecological Balance and the Essence of Wildness, wrote last year in the Slate that approximately 150 persons die and that more than 10,000 injured as a result from deer-related crashes. So this extra attention to deer crossing isn't a bad idea at all, if it will save more lives (both human and deer alike). 

Though the sign in Ford County have become a bit of a viral spark on the internet they aren't the first to come up with this idea. A local highway commissioner, Ron Hilligoss, got the idea from a photo his nephew sent him. Speaking with the Ford County Record, he told them he saw the photo of a similar sign in Colorado about 6 months ago in the text his nephew sent. Figuring it was a good idea, he brought it to the attention of the Ford County Highway Department at meeting and they agreed and bought four of the signs.

Hopefully, this strange but true fact will be a catching trend that lowers the numbers of deaths brought on by deer collisions.

Interesting fact, interesting indeed.

Back with a New Drive

Hey my loyal visitors, we're finally back after what literally seems like a decade. Things to look forward to in the future, New Name, new content and much more Interesting facts, wonders and jokes. 

Can't wait to get started, see you guys in a few.