The Candle

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father Rafferty.
"Hello," said the Father, "and how is Mr. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?"
She replied, "That you did, Father."

The priest asked, "And are there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet Father," said she.
"Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."
"Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again. "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"
"Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "Have you any little ones yet?"
"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles, ten in all."
"Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?"
"Oh," she said, "he's gone to Rome to blow out that damn candle!"

The Last Fling

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!"
"Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"

His friend says "I think mine was a witch!"
"A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?"
"Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"

Test confirms Beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men do in fact turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.

JPS Man

One Monday morning the JPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Ricky, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beers and liquor bottles.

“Bombaat Ricky, looks like uno guys had one heck of a party last night,” the JPS man comments. Ricky, in obvious pain, replies “Actually a Saturday night it did keep. Dis a di first mi feel like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood ova for some weekend fun and it got a bit outa hand. Rahtid, di whole a wi get so drunk around midnight that we started playing "WHO AM I?”

The JPS man thinks a moment and says, “A how yuh play "WHO AM I?”

“Well, all the man dem go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our 'privates' showing through di hole in di sheet. Den the women dem try guess a who.”

The JPS man laughs and says, “Damn, I'm sorry I missed that.”

”Probably a good ting to,” Ricky responded. “Cuz your name call up seven times.......if i were u mi wudnt check the rest a the street meter again”

An Innocent Child's Prayer

One day Johnny decided to do his Christmas homework on his father's laptop because his was broken. After turning it on and seeing a folder named breasts (which so happen to be the topic he is doing:Breast cancer), Johnny thought what luck his homework has already been done. To his shock he saw all sorts of you guessed it naked women.. Being of pure innocence this is what he prayed that night when both his parents tucked him in bed and asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

Johnny's Prayer...

"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy's computer. Amen."

Could You II???

BATHROOM
PAINTED FLOOR!!!

IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY .

Tenth floor of a hi-rise building.....

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM....

You open the door...
NOW, REMEMBER THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR !

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....
DOESN'T IT?

Scroll sloooooooowly.

Would this mess up your mind??? Would you
be able to walk in To this bathroom???


THIS IS A CEILING MURAL IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.



Could You Still Smoke????????????

Could You!!!!!

THE LADY IS GETTING READY TO ENTER!!
This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston.



Now that you've seen the outside view,
take a look at the inside view...





It's made entirely of one-way glass!
�
No one can see you from the outside, but when
you are inside it's like sitting in a clear
glass box!
Could You use it???

The Preacher, The Lawyer, And The IRS Agent

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members), to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They, however, were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

Mi Mudduh Get Lick Dung!

A bus was involved in an accident on the busy Half-Way Tree Road on Friday afternoon.
As expected, traffic came to a stand-still, and a large vocal crowd gathered. A male reporter from one of our 'big' newspapers, anxious to get his story could not get near the bus or the victim(s).
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, " Unnuh let me through! Let me through! A mi madda get lick-dung. "
The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the bus was a donkey.

Crazy Facts II

• In Los Angeles (US), there are fewer people than there are automobiles

• Women's hearts beat faster than men's. (And yet married men tend to die first..hmmmmm)

• You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.

• Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas. (Interesting)

• The average person is half an inch taller upon rising in the morning.

• Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark. (No wonder he invented the light bulb)

• A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee. (What no coffee..i want a divorce b$$$h)

• In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.

• Bubble gum contains rubber. (So if u chewing a pack of bubble gum you're actually chewing rubbers..hmmm)

• The world population of chickens is about equal to people.

• Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991. (Why doesn't this surprise me)

• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
  

Why Is The Rum Gone???

In response to Wray and Nephew burning down the other day.... Bow your heads in respect for the rum....

A Materialistic Brotha

A Jamaican opened the door of his BMW in the middle of New York city, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.

When the police(American)arrived at the scene, the Jamaican was complaining
bitterly about thedamage to his precious BMW.

“Awfissa, look wah dem do to mi Bimmah!”, he whined.
“You Jamaicans are so materialistic and Show-off, you make me sick!” retorted the officer.

“You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!”

“Rahtid!!!,” Replied the Jamaican, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was…………. “Mi Rolex”

Crazy Facts

• If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, & 6 days you would've produced enough sound energy to heat 1 cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
  

• If you fart consistently for 6 years & 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

• A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

• A cockroach will live 9 days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

• The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home... WTF?!)

• A flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes . . . lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

• The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

• Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know. NOT!)

• Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life. Quality over quantity.)
  

• A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

• Humans & dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig????)
  

• The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Ok then i'd like to see my tongue bench 250)