Likle Johnny and Raw Materials

In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about materials; So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is
worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette".

The teacher smiled and then called on Likle Johnny. Likle Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"

Likle Johnny and His Dad

The English teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that
happened during the past week. Likle Johnny got up and read his essay. He
began, "My dad fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said Johnny. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Point Well Taken. LOL!!

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit, so she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait/tackle box. She says "Mark, I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"

He responds by saying: "Yeah. If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

The Last Fling

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!"
"Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"

His friend says "I think mine was a witch!"
"A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?"
"Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"

Test confirms Beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men do in fact turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.

Could You II???

BATHROOM
PAINTED FLOOR!!!

IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY .

Tenth floor of a hi-rise building.....

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM....

You open the door...
NOW, REMEMBER THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR !

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....
DOESN'T IT?

Scroll sloooooooowly.

Would this mess up your mind??? Would you
be able to walk in To this bathroom???


THIS IS A CEILING MURAL IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.



Could You Still Smoke????????????

The Preacher, The Lawyer, And The IRS Agent

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members), to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They, however, were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

Mi Mudduh Get Lick Dung!

A bus was involved in an accident on the busy Half-Way Tree Road on Friday afternoon.
As expected, traffic came to a stand-still, and a large vocal crowd gathered. A male reporter from one of our 'big' newspapers, anxious to get his story could not get near the bus or the victim(s).
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, " Unnuh let me through! Let me through! A mi madda get lick-dung. "
The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the bus was a donkey.

Crazy Facts II

• In Los Angeles (US), there are fewer people than there are automobiles

• Women's hearts beat faster than men's. (And yet married men tend to die first..hmmmmm)

• You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.

• Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas. (Interesting)

• The average person is half an inch taller upon rising in the morning.

• Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark. (No wonder he invented the light bulb)

• A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee. (What no coffee..i want a divorce b$$$h)

• In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.

• Bubble gum contains rubber. (So if u chewing a pack of bubble gum you're actually chewing rubbers..hmmm)

• The world population of chickens is about equal to people.

• Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991. (Why doesn't this surprise me)

• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
  

Why Is The Rum Gone???

In response to Wray and Nephew burning down the other day.... Bow your heads in respect for the rum....