Medical Malpractice

A man went to his appointment with the urologist. In the examination room, he told the doctor. "Don't laugh ok!"

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In more than twenty years, I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'willie' the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the floor, laughing hysterically. Ten minutes later, he was finally able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentlemen, i promise it will never happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," the man replied.

Back on the floor went the urologist only to wake up to a malpractice lawsuit.

A Poem About Putting On Condoms

COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP

BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER

DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY

WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD
YOUR SPOUT

DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER

YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YOUR DONG

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT.

IF U THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY

IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE

IT WILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YOUR PETER

SHE WONT GET SICK IF U WRAP YOUR DICK

IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT

WHILE YOUR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS

WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE

ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER

NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED
PECKER

DON'T BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL

THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION

WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL

A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER

NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

Michael Jackson Dies Of Cardiac Arrest

Popular Pop icon Michael Jackson died Thursday after suffering a cardiac arrest, the entertainment website TMZ.com reported.

The website reported that Jackson, 50, has allegedly suffered a heart attack a little after 12:00 pm (1900 GMT) local time and that paramedics were unable to revive him.

Jackson's manager Tohme E. Tohme was available for comment when contacted by AFP. Officials at UCLA Medical Center where Jackson was treated also could not be reached for comment. Strange.

Devin Gales, Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman, would not confirm Jackson's identity but said paramedics went to an address corresponding to the star's home at 12:21 pm (1921 GMT) and the person was taken to UCLA Medical Center.

Caught Cheating!!!!!!

A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his Batman costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, so she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she puts on a Goldilocks costume. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could cuddle with and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After some more to drink, he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the back seat.

Just before unmasking, she slipped away and went home and put her costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?'
He replied, 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.''You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my Batman costume to your Dad. Apparently he had a whale of a time. He told me he got lucky with a hottie in a Goldilocks outfit'.

Moral of the story..... Don't try to sneak up on your man!!!

Ancient Proverbs - Read and Learn

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
= A_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the ! beginning of a new argument.
______________________________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT
GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Mathematics For Our Everyday Lives

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need..

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

How To Spot A Bad Day

If you woke up one morning, stepped outside and saw this:



It would be a good idea to step back inside and call it quits for the day... That day would definitely not be a good day.

The Criminal Catcher 2000

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves: they took it out to different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves; UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves; Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves; Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves; Jamaica, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

Affair with an older woman

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night, she looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit (well more than a bit), we had a snuggle, and she asked me if I ever had a "sportsman double"?
"Whats that?" I asked.
"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
"Oh," I said as my mind began to embrace the idea. "No, I haven't."

And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night'. I went back to her place and walked in hoping for the best night f my life. She puts on the hall light and shouted upstairs, "Mom, you still awake?"

Flat Belly

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.
"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

The Priest and Likle(little) Johnny

Likle Johnny got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book and noticed he had his collar on backwards. Little Johnny asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
Likle Johnny replied, " My daddy a fada(father) and him don't wear his colla(collar) like dat."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."
Likle Johnny then said, "My daddy have 4 boys, 4 girls and 2 granpickney and him no wear him colla like dat."

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of Hundreds," and went back quietly to his book.
Likle Johnny sat quiely thinking for awhile, then leaned over and said, "Maybe if you did wear a condom and put you pants on backwards you wouldnt have so much pickney(children)

SMOKE ANYWHERE WHILE QUITTING!!!!

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1. No Tar or Carcinogens
2. No Cancer causing chemicals
3. The ability to smoke in restricted areas
4. No cigarette butts
5. No bad odor on clothes or breath


Green Smoke has changed the lives of many just read what Frank, NC has to say.
"I've been able to give up cigarettes and keep right on smoking! Green Smoke is amazing. I can smoke in my cubicle at work without having to leave for cigarette breaks! So I'm much happier at work, now that I can get my fix whenever I need it. My throat is less sore and I have more energy. Also I've cut down from the 8mg to the 6mg cartridges, one step at a time..."

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