Knowledge Is Power

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Management Course: Share Everything With Your Partner

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'



Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Your Parrot Is Dead!!

At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, boss? This is
> > > Leroy, the caretaker at > > your country house.'

> > > 'Ah yes, Leroy. What can I do for you? Is there a
> > > problem?'

> > > 'Um, I am just calling to advise you, boss, that
> > your parrot, he is dead.'

> > > 'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the
> > international competition?'

> > > 'yes boss, that's the one.'

> > > 'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune
> > on
> > > that bird. What did he die
> > > from?'

> > > 'From eating the rotten meat, boss.'

> > > 'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten
> > meat?'

> > > 'Nobody, boss. He ate the meat of the dead
> > horse.'

> > > 'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

> > > 'The thoroughbred, boss.'

> > > 'My prize thoroughbred that won the Cockspur Gold
> > > cup?'

> > > 'Yes,
> > boss. He died from all that work pulling the
> > > water cart.'

> > > 'Are you insane?? What water cart?'

> > > 'The one we used to put out the fire, boss.'

> > > 'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about,
> > man?'

> > > 'The one at your house, boss! A candle fell and
> > the
> > > curtains caught on
> > > fire.'

> > > 'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is
> > > destroyed because of a
> > > candle?'

> > > 'Yes, boss.'

> > > 'But there's electricity at the house!! What
> > was
> > > the candle for?'

> > > 'For the funeral, boss.'

> > > 'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'

> > > 'Your wife's, boss, she showed up very late
> > one
> > > night and I thought she was
> > > a thief, so I hit her with your cricket bat -- the one
> > > which was autographed
> > > by Sobers, Lara and Viv.

> > > THEN THERE IS SILENCE...A LONG
> > SILENCE.FINALLY THE BOSS
> > > SPEAKS

> > > 'Leroy, if you bruk mi bat, you inna nuff rass
> > > trouble!!!'

Lesson For The Day - Greener Grass...

Greener Grass...

It's important in life to reach out, to strive for
greater achievements, to go for that greener grass on the other side of the fence.

But one must also be careful………


Sometimes you can reach too far!

And when you find yourself over-extended and you're stuck in a situation that you can't
get out of, there is one thing you should always remember.......
Not everyone who shows up......
is there to help you!!!!

The Why's Of Men - As seen by Women

This list was created by a woman from a woman's perspective.

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(Because they are plugged into a genius)



2. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(They don't stop to ask directions)



3. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(Because their testicles fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)



4. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)



5. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


6. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(Don't know.....it never happened)



(C'mon guys, we laugh at your Blonde jokes!)


And the personal favorite:



7. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

A Damn Fine Explanation!!!

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children ! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!'

And the husband replied 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened. 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!!

And the husband began --

'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please do you have anything else that your wife doe sn't use?'

The Difference between men and women - The Simple Truth

Editors note: The two below is so true!


Editor's note: Oh so true..lol!!












And last but not least the favorite picture loved by all women: